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Doing the Right Thing
and Achieving All Your Goals
at the Same Time
Full Book Outline:
KNOWING
---People Are What They Are and It's Irrelevant Anyway
---We Don't Know What Other People Are Capable of Achieving
---People Are Not Accountable for Their Thoughts and Feelings
---We Don't Know What Other People are Thinking and Feeling
---People Are Accountable for Their Words and Actions
---Assume Everyone is Doing the Best They Can
---Assume Everyone Has a Good Reason for What They Say and Do
LISTENING
---Listen Very Carefully
---Welcome Information, Criticism is Information
---If You Have a Choice, Don't Choose to be Hurt
---Examine Your Motives
---Targeting Problems is Good, Targeting People is Evil
---If You Want Someone to Do Something for You, You Have to Be Completely on Their Side
---When People Don't Understand, Listen Better
SPEAKING
---State Your Position Clearly and Ask for What You Want Specifically
---Tell Them Even If You Know They Won't Understand
---All You Can Do is Tell Them, You Can't Make Anyone Do Anything
---When People Don't Meet Your Expectations, Change Your Expectations
---Give Them 100 Tries to Get It Right
---If They Can't Get It Right in 100 Tries, There Must Be Something Wrong with the Procedure
---Teach Everyone to Do Everything
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Examine Your Motives
There are at least two reasons why I do something: the reason I tell other people and the real reason.
I don�t think it is bad to be multiply determined. In fact, the more reasons there are for doing something,
the more confident I feel that it is the right thing. Except that (as I finally figured out), the real reason and
the public reason both have to be good reasons, and they can�t be in conflict with each other.
In the past, I was barely aware of the real reason I said or did things. The real reason was more like an
emotion than a thought. Whenever someone suggested doing something or I thought of something to
do, I immediately responded with either �I want to do this� or �I don�t want to do this�. Now I know
that whether I want to do something or not probably depends on whether it is going to get me something
I like � laughter, fun, companionship, love, recognition, power, and money are some of my favorite things
� or something I want to avoid.
There was a time when I was completely alone. I felt that I had none of the things I wanted.
It was then that I discovered (and I never really forget) that self-respect is the ultimate necessity
for me. With it, I can live with myself in any circumstances. Without it, my own company is
unbearable and I feel hopeless. Therefore, I have sometimes also done things because I had to,
because honor demanded it, and not because I wanted to do them.
The real reason I do something is almost always because it satisfies one of these wants or needs.
It is not always necessary for me to tell people the real reason I am doing something. Sometimes,
as they would probably say, that is too much information! Other times, people need to know the
real reason, because I am �overreacting� to the public one. Then, if I don�t tell them the real
reason, they will make one up for me and, more likely than not, they will think of something
pretty unflattering, since they can see I am trying to hide something. Whether I tell other people
or not, it is very important for me to be aware of the real reason at all times.
If I am not facing my real reason for doing something, I will look like I am hiding something,
because I am. People won�t know or care that I am hiding something from myself. They will
know and care that I am hiding something from them.
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To do the right thing and achieve your goals, you have to know what is motivating you.
Next Section:
Targeting Problems is Good, Targeting People is Evil
Doing the Right Thing Home
Page. Contains information on how to get in touch with me, since I welcome comments, corrections (of facts and typographical errors), and suggestions for new sections. You'll be able to access all 3 topic areas of this site.
The URL of this site is:
http://www.mariannepowers.com/motives.htm
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